You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
