hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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