im drinking this country out of the recession.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
