First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
