WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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