I think I died a long time ago.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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