Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
