i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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