One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
