my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
