Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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