yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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