oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
