I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
