just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
