i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
