Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
