For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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