I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
