Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
