apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
