peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
