what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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