so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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