I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
