Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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