Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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