Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
