Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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