everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize