I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
