i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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