Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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