i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
