My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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