You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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