My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
