Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
