; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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