you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Come see our sink grown plant.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
