Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
