i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
