Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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