he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.