I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it