She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
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Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
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I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...