You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.