He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
false alarm. still invincible.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.