Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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