Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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