dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
