Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
