im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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