He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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