I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
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If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
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My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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