so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
