Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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