You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
