Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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