i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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