Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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