There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
