If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
