I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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