I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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