what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize