I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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