My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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