I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
