I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
