Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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