Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
