can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
