what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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